…..continued

it’s been 2 weeks almost since it started!!!

I’ve been in excruciating pain for almost two weeks now. My blocked duct is apparently ’5 or 6′ blocked ducts according to my physio Jo. I’ve been seeing her for a special type of ultrasound everyday since Monday. I should say that it has helped a lot in terms of reducing the pain by a lot and she has loosened up the milk ducts near my armpit area.

For the last two weeks, I’ve had to wake up every 2/3/4 hours to express or feed Aaliyah. As a result of leaving to feed much later than you should, I woke up with lumps in my right breast called blocked ducts. I waited until the next day to see a gp about it as it had never been that big or that before. So I saw a gp (not my usual) with my mother in law and she told me to apply heat, massage and take antibiotics incase of infection. I was a bit disappointed because I had expected her to do more or say more to help atleast in more ways. I got home and had a really bad headache and started to shiver. I quickly made dinner for us with my was ache and sore body and when I got to bed, I had a bad fever. I took medicines, still fed Aaliyah and took antibiotics throughout the night. The next morning I felt much better and the fever had vanished although I felt heaps cold and my sore breast was more inflamed and painful. I went and saw another gp with Nav a couple days later after i gave up on trying to squeeze all the milk out and she pretty much told me the same thing everyone else told me. Only this time, Nav and I had read online about an ultrasound that helps break up the ducts. But we needed a referral so we had to get one-pretty much the only reason why we came to the gp. I was soo upset at this point because all I wanted was for someone to help me get better and for some reason, this gp wouldn’t understand what we were talking about and referred us for an ultrasound scan instead!!! What the hell!!! I was literally in tears. So anyway I went and did the scan (in tears) and after balling my eyes at the scenographer she for a specialist to look at my scan and said “it’s not severe enough, come back on Monday if it hasn’t healed and we can drain it with a needle”. And then he left, but told me to try everything I already knew and had done!!! Hot towels, massage, hot shower, feeding and rest! Done done and done it all. Why don’t these people understand that I’m there for another way to fix this?! Argh soo upsetting! The next day I saw a physio (Jo) and she explained everything to me – use cold cabbage/ice NOT heat!, DO NOT massage! Using the ultrasound machine then feeding after wast that pleasant as it hurt but at night before going to bed, I felt much better! The next couple of days were pretty good too although the solid parts remained too solid. Which brings us to this point, aspiration surgery!! Pretty much a needle into my boob to drain The milk

To be cont….

Too upset at people’s idiocy

Soo annoyed that I’m annoyed at thinking about it!!!

Today I woke up expressing my sore breast by hand guess what?! Thick old milk came out! Gross! Have I lost you? Yep ew indeed! It’s called ‘blocked ducts’ which is what I’ve had for a week now!!! Apparently it happened because I wore a tight bra and I left it too to express.

To be cont…..

Not happy!

The last 3days have been hell for me!

It wasn’t until this morning I was able to feed Aaliyah on my right breast! Who knew that a blocked duct would be painful and a bit of a challenge? Well I didn’t. I thought I’d never get it. It’s better than not getting mastitis but maybe I did have mastitis which wasn’t that severe? Who knows. At the moment my right breast is still sore and the lump is still there.

Block duct
So for those wondering what the hell I’m on about, couple days ago, I woke up around 7am and started to feed Aaliyah on my right breast. I felt this hard lump the size of a lid from a coke bottle… Maybe just a tiny bit bigger than that. Anyway I worried a bit because I had never had a lump like that before so I woke Nav up and told him. I guess we were both worried that we stayed up from then on til he had to go to work. We did our research and apparently found out that it was a blocked duct. Basically meaning that my milk backup had been clogged/blocked because I hadn’t emptied it properly in the last couple of days. Or because I didn’t wake up to feed during the night? Usually I don’t have to because sleeps throughout the whole night…. Most of the time anyway. Treatment!! well I went with Aaliyah and Nikki to the doctors and was put on antibiotics, told to rest, use a warm/hot compressor to help breakup the duct, have hot showers and massage the lump toward the nipple to help drain. So far I have had no luck. Infact, it has gotten worse since it started. I had to pop 2 blisters on my nipple with a sterile needle and then drain, yes, I popped it myself with a needle!!! however the area (even when drained – expressed) remains hard and seems to be getting bigger everyday. Not sure what else to do now. Maybe ill just keep doing what I’m doing and hope it heals soon, coz google said be patient

Don’t like needles

Woke up early this morn soo tired but couldn’t wait to continue making this gift in making for a friend – a breast feeding pillow…. Having one has helped me soo much while nursing Aaliyah. Probably one of the best inventions as it has certainly been my friend since her birth.
I quickly have Aaliyah a shower and then got her ready into her cute onesie outfit making sure she was super warm. I then had a shower and got myself dressed to have breakfast – fried eggs and mushroom on leb bread. At the same time I was feeding Aaliyah so I didn’t realise how hungry I was but how little I ate. By the time we finished it was 11:35 so we had 10min to get to Aaliyah’s vaccination appointment. We were in a rush but luckily we got there in time and I didn’t have to wait long at all before we were called in. Nav was parking the car at the time so I quickly texted him to hurry up as I didn’t want to be alone when she got her shots. She had her little checkup first, her 4-6month; she weighed about 6.4kg……..I forgot the rest lol So anyway I decided that I would hold her while she got her shots, I couldn’t look so I held her right and looked away but making sure I was talking to her and trying to distract her. She cried a bit but I stood as soon as she got them and walked around. She surprisingly stopped but my eyes were teary already For the last couple days we had been dreading this day, no one likes to see their baby in pain. Especially when there’s nothing really you can do or when they can’t tell you how much it hurts Before we knew it, Aaliyah was talking away (baby noise) which was soo cute.

I love this little girl, she’s soo strong and soo happy. She’s starting to talk more and is more aware if her surroundings. She knows when we leave her alone, when it’s time to have her solids which she’s started since yesterday. She loves her rice cereal.

Anyway, today was a sad day for us but glad it’s over. Not looking forward to her next vaccine shots argh!

Aaliyah is 4months

As our lifestyle changes so does Aaliyah as she enters the 4month zone. Today she has been more hyperactive than any day before she was talkative at the beginning. She responds to her name and laughs and smiles a lot. She holds things (including her own hands) and brings it to her mouth to eat. I’ve started giving more watermelon to suck on and today used her new baby spoons to feed her watermelon juice which she seemed to love!

Nas is here visiting with baby Sienna, but they go back to Brisbane on Sunday morning. Nav and I stayed over on Tuesday and Wednesday night on hang with them a bit which was nice. On Wednesday morning, we went to look at a house to rent in concord and I absolutely loved it, now were having issues with the real estate contacting us and responding to my calls regarding the place grr. Anyway, we have to look at other places as well incase we don’t get this one… I’m trying not to be attached to the place we saw but I can’t help it. So tonight I’ve been looking at some places online, nothin compares to the place I want!

~peace

New lifestyle

It’s been almost a week since we haven’t eaten any meat besides fish. So far we’ve been good and results have shown – no more bloating, feeling lighter, feeling healthier and happier in general. It has also resulted in a much happier state of thinking, and whilst not always positive, I am conscious about the things I shouldn’t be thinking about and so I try to overcome them with stronger thoughts of positivity.

What I had been feeling in the last couple of weeks leading up to this were being disconnected from many things including my relationship with Nav; feeling distant in every way because I felt tired and ugly and vulnerable; being disconnected with my inner being and only wishing the best for my little one Aaliyah and forgetting that I had to look after myself in order to fully care for her and my family; I had felt emotionally disconnected from everything except Aaliyah, so I felt like Nav wasn’t there for me. However after feeding off the energy which Nav brought home from the Anthony Robbins seminar, I feel more in control and more positive and energetic to do more things positively, eating healthy for starters is one. I just weighed myself tonight and I am 57kg (with clothes).

There’s a lot more to work on, to improve and to gain, one step at a time I think I’ll get there.

~peace

Plea for answers

I’m a person of many questions and unfortunately not many answers, or so I think I feel I am.

No one can tell me what tomorrow will bring for me. However I am always looking for guidance in whatever I do, because I know that I’m always facing challenges whether big or small…. Or if its external or internal.

As I am a ‘thinker’ – constantly thinking about everything all the time – I feel like I’m trapped in this world of chattering inside my head sometimes. Anything you could possibly think of or even things you wouldn’t think of, I think of sometimes hahaha. I am easily distracted by anything – even the smallest thought would take over me.

I think about everything – life, my family, my husbands family, friends, people in the past, my past, present and future, my dreams and the list just goes on forever!

I think that because of this, I feel like a person of many personalities on the inside. There’s the quiet me, the loud, the mature and immature, shy and confident, the good and bad girl. Sometimes I feel stuck because people see me on the outside but deep down I feel like a tiger just waiting for my chance to pounce out and take charge! That’s how I’ve been feeling lately. Being a first time mum takes me to a whole new level as a person and I feel like I can do anything, like I’ve even given this incredible immeasurable power to take charge of anything. But I guess most mums get like that after giving birth and after getting a hang of all the hard work that comes with being a mum. I’m not saying that I have the hang of it now, but I have accepted it unlike other mums I’ve seen or heard about. Speaking of being a mum, after I have birth, I’ve had all these emotions come back to me. You see when I was carrying, I tried soo hard not to stress or be upset about anything or towards anyone. And now, I’m overwhelmed with a mix of happiness but also fear. Happy to have a baby and to be loved and to be accepted for who I am by my husband and friends. Happy to not be long on the streets but have a roof over my head and food to eat. Happy that soon ill get to see my grandparents who will also meet their great grand. Happy that I’m not some druggy or alcoholic or smoker or a party animal. Happy that I have my own little family now which is te most important to me at the moment. However, I fear many things as much as I am happy – fear of dying and leaving my family here alone, fear of getting old, fear of crashing and getting injured or injuring others, fear of getting bitten by a snake or even seeing one, fear of buildings falling on me, fear of falling in an elevator, fear of not being accepted by certain people, fear of miscarriages again, fear of being alone, fear of losing a child or my husband, fear that I’m in a relationship that is destined to end just like every other relationship I’ve known, fear that I won’t be good enough for my husband anymore and that he will leave me or, that I will find my life not to be the way I imagined and leave, fear that I will become this unhappy cranky old Middle Aged woman who lives most of we days grumpy and unhappy in life. I could go on forever with my list of fears and happiness but anyway, you see there’s a lot of things on my mind.

As my husband was talking last-night about this chain of reaction that happens from one small action, I couldn’t help but think that 1. That which was obvious 2. It got me thinking about my past 3. Made me anxious about the present and fearful about the future. Ofcourse if something happens, something else happens because of that. The chain of reaction is infinite unless life came to a complete stand still! If my mum hasn’t passed away, I would not have met Nav and had Aaliyah, had I not gotten into crappy relationships I wouldn’t have learnt to protect myself, had I been raised by my dad I definitely would not have come to be here, but all this happened because my grandparents met and so forth. I am thankful for the past, I am anxious about now because anything could happen and the future I fear because of the past…. If that makes any sense.

Ok I am exhausted. Aaliyah is fast asleep, Nikki an tanaz are downstairs having Tea and dates, and Nav and James finish their seminar around midnight. And as much as I am excited to wait up for nav, I’m also soo exhausted an need to rest for tomoro which I am not sure what ill be doing hmm.

Goodnight

~peace