Diary of Ine

Appreciating Life

Easter weekend

Easter weekend

 

Well this weekend went soo fast. As enjoyable as it was, I feel like I didn’t get to spend some good, alone, quality time with my little family.

I didn’t realise how busy this Easter long weekend would be until Nav and I got into bed together lastnight – before 11pm I must say, which is unusual for us. Friday was public holiday so we went to Double Bay with my inlaws and khale (aunty) Fereshte and her family for a picnic. We pretty much spent the whole day there before coming home for dinner. On Saturday, Nav was back at work, so Aaliyah and I took a morning stroll to the shops then to the park, before coming home to clean up. Sunday morning, we decided to head over to my inlaws for breakfast – who live only 15min away from us. Aaliyah and I then took a nap – not sure for how long – which was strange because I never nap while she does during the day – and yet I felt more asleep than I did before I took that nap, how does that work? Anyway, we ended up spending our whole afternoon there for lunch and afternoon tea and games before heading home for dinner – dessert! 

Easter Monday was to spend with our closest friends at the Easter show in Homebush. Our day began with a proper family breakfast at home – boiled eggswholemeal toast, drizzled with olive oil and a dash (trying to sound fancy) of salt and pepper with a few slices of fresh tomato. Yum… a simple, healthy and delicious way to start our day. We met up at Nellie and Danny’s place at midday, packed the 7 of us plus the two babies into 2 cars (Car 1: Nour, Wasfieh, Aaliyah, Laith &  moi. Car 2: Nav, Nellie, Danny & Yanni) and started our trip. A long trip we did not expect – stuck in traffic with two babies who were exhausted from missing out on their nap and probably hungry. We decided at last to make a detour towards Lidcombe station, park and then train the rest of the way to the Easter show. Wasn’t easy at first, every parking spot was taken. All of a sudden out of nowhere, we stop on the side of the road and Nellie comes running back to the car from God knows where - she tells us that we have two parking spots? (judging by her hand gestures and body language). Apparently she spotted a Korean shop and went and spoke to them, and before you know it, we’re parking! By now the two babies were in tears, so we quickly jumped out of the car as soon as we were parked to grab them. Making our way to the station and hoping on the train could not have been easier, I guess having other people there to help with a baby and a pram while using public transport makes a huge difference. Once we arrived, first things first, FOOD! It was a bit overwhelming in a jam-packed venue with the heat and all the walking plus the babies to care for. Now that they are more independent and mobile, its hard to keep them happy and content in one spot for long – God I miss the days when they were younger. It was a long walk – sightseeing, eating, drinking, not much sitting, lots of talking and laughing. We saw little farm animals which the babies got to touch (or not touch) for a little bit before they both hit the hay-stack. Meanwhile, the boys had just made there way to watch the game - Eels vs Tigers at the stadium. So the girls (us) just walked around with the sleepy babies and did some shopping and eating. I finally got my waffle on a stick which seemed like a mission to get. Soon, the boys joined us, by now it was 6pm and it started to get a bit chilli. Wasfieh, Nour and Laith disappeared for a bit while we walked around and did some final shopping. I really wanted a showbag for Aaliyah and everyone else wanted to check the place out aswell, so we made our way to the showbag arena which was packed with people! Seriously?! Finally,  found a Peppa Pig showbag and my journey was complete :) On our way out, we stopped for coffee, iced coffee, fish and chips and a rest. My feet were aching and my body felt overused. We trained it back to Lidcombe, Nav and I took Yanni home while Nour and Wasfieh dropped Nellie and Danny off as they only live 5min away from each other… makes sense.

We got home and put Aaliyah to sleep before we jumped in to bed not long after. But before we slept, I felt the need to send Nellie a quick (maybe too long) msg thanking them for their help and company. She and Danny were soo helpful with the kids, being playful with them and pushing the pram. Awesome, genuine friends are hard to find in this big fat world, so we are soo thankful that we have friends like them around!

Unfortunately though, we did not have a goodnights sleep - night sweat, nightmares and runny nose. But hey, atleast Aaliyah got her Peppa Pig showbag :)

Happy Easter everyone!!!

 

 

Steps to being a better person

In a matter of a minute, I recall having made 5choices I wish I could take back!

After saying some prayers tonight for detachment, spiritual healing and for Aaliyah, I started to reflect on my day and what things I needed to improve on to be a better me.
Since the incident yesterday with Aaliyah, I’ve tried to be more attentive to her which means later meal times, messier home, sweaty armpits from being playful and a physically tired mum. I’m not going to complain, it brings me joy to know that I made my daughter happy.

It’s hard to remind myself that nothing is more important than paying attention to this little voice mumbling words/sounds from down below. The mental list of things to do is non-stop everyday but I guess it’s never as important than being there and paying attention to your child.

So I’ve made my list of things I can improve on. My new mentalist of being a better me. Sometimes when I’m in an argument with Nav, I don’t take notice of what the actual conversation is about until after. That majority of the time we argue, it consists of problems with no solutions. And there’s just no point to it. So my solution to creating a better me, is to build my new mental list of problems with solutions:

1. iPhone – in my household, our iPhones are used EVERYWHERE. As we walk in the door, in our rooms, while putting baby to sleep, in the bathroom, on the toilet, In front of the tv, going for a walk, going to the park, going out, while in the company of family or friends. Everywhere! Solution: limit my use by keeping the phone in the room the whole day unless it NEEDS to be with me. ie: waiting for an important call.

2. Routine – I’m not the type of person to follow routine but recently I’ve realised how important it is for Aaliyah and also for myself and Nav. It also puts my day into perspective and I’m more confident throughout the day knowing what the plan is. Solution:ie: wakeup, wash faces, pray, breakfast, tv, snack, reading, activity, lunch, relax, nap, clean/sew/emails/iPhone, music time, snack, dinner, brush teeth, pjs, play, read, pray, sleep.

3. Love – it’s important to keep or make our relationship a healthy one. We’ve always had issues since the beginning and now with a baby it’s even harder. Solution:So once a week atleast, we should organise a date night while the inlaws babysit Aaliyah. This starts tomorrow eeek!

4. Communication – it has never been a strong point for me. It’s takes me a while to speak sometimes because I tend to really think about what to say, more specifically which exact words to use so that what I say is right!. I guess this is an ongoing thing I have to monitor.

5. Attending to Aaliyah – I get carried away sometimes with whatever I’m doing and I forget that Aaliyah has been trying to get my attention for the last minute. How rude :( Solution: who cares about the mess, who cares about what show is on the tv, who cares if Nav and I have dinner later than usual, who cares if I’m smelly and grubby. Aaliyah doesn’t care so why should I!? I need to forget about everything and be there for Aaliyah when she needs me! This is the path I’ve chosen.

6. Fit and healthy: were always slacking off to feeding our bodies poison! Solution: more veggies and fruits and less/no junk food or takeAway. Plan food ahead!

Let’s see how this goes!

Letter to my daughter

Dear little girl of mine,

I write this as I hold you close and tight to my sore and aching heart.
This afternoon I smacked you on the arm because you disobeyed me and threw your lunch covered in tomato sauce and yoghurt on the carpet floor. I wasn’t upset because you threw food that will probably stain the carpet, but because when I came up to you to help you, you turned away and refused it and then came the result.

I replay that moment in my head like a wrecked record player. And two words you said twice as I was about to hit you really broke my heart and shook the hell out of me to realise my wrong actions. Two words that will forever haunt me for the rest of my life. Two words I’ll take to my grave for why they were uttered. Two words your sweet innocent voice spoke in such fear. Two words soo powerful and yet grownup. Two words Instilled in my brain for what I did to your big heart.
Your two words were;

No mama! No mama!

It may look like I’m over exaggerating, but when a mother hears a child with such fear in her/his voice for any reason, her heart will drop and time will freeze. So for you (my little girl) to say those words to me, when I’m the one who’s meant to save you, it makes me feel like a real fool. I will never want to hear you say those words to me again. And I will never want to bring fear into your little innocent heart ever again.

Though we shook it off with a big hard laugh after your lunch, that very moment has forever left a stain in me, to remind me that I need to be the mother who shows you how to love, how to be fearless and powerful with wisdom.

I can’t wait for you to wake up now so we can start over with a big warm hug and lots of strawberry kisses!

I love you always and forever
Mumma

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Saturday with my girl

All cooped up inside all day listening to the sound of the rain chattering against our glass windows, while the cold wind howls

Asif, when do I ever get time to sit back and enjoy the sound of the rain nowadays? In (my) reality, every moment I even think about resting is a joke hahaha. There is always something to do, especially when the baby is asleep. Really? Have a nap while the baby naps? “Good one, but I need to fill that time with preparing my child’s next meal or cleaning up the mess I’m standing in so my child can make more mess when she wakes”.
Now that’s my reality, sometimes I hate it and sometimes I don’t. But every moment from now on, I am trying to be genuinely grateful for my life and the family that I have.

Saturday morning is market day for us 3 before Nav heads off to work. It’s also our one day that we chose to eat meat. We’ve decided to have no meat except for fish on the rest of the days, but that’s a different story. We all got ready; Aaliyah cried to stay in the shower with her dad (cheeky little monkey). Dressed her warm and then we headed out. She gets all excited as were about to leave the house. She almost always is the first one out of the door! Walking to the markets (just outside our building), you could feel the wind pickup, it was a bit cold too. We got the market and ordered breakfast, Aaliyah gets her usual hot cross bun from the bakery guy while Nav has his bacon and egg roll. I opted for something more healthier, a panini, which I thought was a toasted sandwhich, but I got a bruschetta instead for $5? What a rip off. Lucky it didn’t taste bad! We quickly had to come home as it started to rain, and while we got a little wet, it was worth the little time we had together this morn.

The rest of the day was filled with laughter, music, dancing, cartoons and Frozen ofcourse! We were both in a good mood today – she got what she wanted and I got a clean home for a few hours atleast :)

Overall it was a good relaxing day!!

;

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MY FRIDAY – A piece of it

Finally lying back in a cloud of soft cushions, with both throbbing feet up off the floor and the only sound I hear are my thoughts. Finally some peace and quiet.

I’ve been meaning to write about my late nights with Aaliyah for the last couple days but it just never happens, I either have no time or…. nope thats just it, I have no time. My time is filled with Aaliyah time and house maintenance.

While Nav is occupied on the iMac, I contemplate on what’s for lunch and then dinner, oh what the heck let’s think about breakfast tomorrow while were at it. Such is the life of a stay at home mum/wife :) I won’t argue, it has it’s many positive moments but there’s also times I just wonder WHYYYYYYYYYYY!???

Before I know it, Aaliyah wakes up from her short 1hour nap and once again mummy is summoned. Typical, as soon as you start to rest le bebe wakes up. Hahahaha what can we do, just laugh it off!!! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

~ peace >

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Browsing through our photos and saw these beauties. Completely taken back and memories soo fresh like it all happened yesterday!

Beached out again

She used her hands to dig up some sand to throw all over her, literally.

Yesterday morning we were in such a rush to work – navs work. Poor Aaliyah did not have a proper breakfast which I thought was ok because I was thinking that I could buy her usual breakfast from the coffee club – scrambled eggs on brown toast and a tomato. “Today was going to be a good day”, we’re going to the beach with Lianne (works at the salon) finally. We had always planned to meet up and have coffee or something but since she loves the beach and I love taking Aaliyah to the beach, I thought this would be a great opportunity for all 3 of us to soak up some Sun together.

We caught the bus to Coogee beach, and it reminded me of how we use to live in Coogee but hardly ever went to the beach. The beach wasn’t as nice as Bondi but it was less crowded. Unfortunately I couldn’t take Aaliyah into the sea properly because it was just way too rough and little cold and windy – how annoying!
We spent about 2hrs at the beach before heading back to the salon to meet up with Nav. Aaliyah was exhausted and I was hungry. Came home and she had fallen asleep in the car, so we put her down on the couch thinking she’d wake up, but she was soo out of it! I realised how much effort we go through to pack for the beach. Back in the islands we just take out towel and some fruits and were off! Not worrying about swimsuits or how we look. More carefree and laid back than here.

Family visit

I believe the children are our future – well sung Whitney

Having my sis-in-law (Katherine) over for the last week and a bit has not only been nice, but in a strange way, reassuring and also eye opening. Sienna (almost 2yrs) and Brielle (almost 3months) are the cutest and most beautiful nieces you could ever ask for. Sienna is soo energetic, intelligent and loves to play with our little Aaliyah. She’s also obsessed with shoes hahahaha.

Katherine has a very strong character; very opinionated, independent, emotional, hard working, and also very stubborn (one thing we have in common;). Having gone through a lot during her upbringing as well as all the challenges in her lifetime, I believe all have contributed to her strong character. In many ways this is a great thing, but at the same time I believe that if you don’t have an open mind and self-control, then you could hurt people and also yourself without realising what you’re doing.

Seeing how she reacts and behaves towards Sienna and Brielle, and I say this with lots of love, breaks my heart sometimes. And I probably speak on behalf of most of the family. I can see that she only wants the best for the kids, but one can’t bring up a child expecting him/her to be a certain way, when the carer shouts, screams and calls them names. They’re just too little to understand. Sometimes I just want to hold my sis-in-law down and give her a big hug because I can see that she’s exhausted and always upset and seriously just needs to calm down.

I know that it’s hard to raise two children, mind you it’s hard enough with one, but let’s not forget that we have to be very patient with our children because sometimes it can be overwhelming. Looking after Sienna and Aaliyah alone one day made me think about having another baby, and how I would cope. Would I handle it well? Would I be soo stressed out and regret having a second child? Would I care for one and neglect the other? How would I actually cope with living outside of home with a child and a baby? And would we be ok financially? Argh soo much to think about, but I guess that’s the fun part of it, you just don’t know how you’ll deal with a situation you’ve never been in before who knows, I might be a better mum with two than with one? Well see, only time can tell. Apparently in 2years well have our next… Woopdeedoo I’ll be 30+ blah. I hate the thought of being 30yrs old and having a child who’ll still be young when I’m too old to do fun things with :( that’s the sad part of having a child at a later stage. Anyway, I’m happy I have Aaliyah with us now :) She’s what I’ve been waiting for for a very long time :) .

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Beached out

Took my baby to the Bondi Beach with grandma a few weeks ago and she loved every bit of … the sand! Gosh these kids! The water was too cold to swim in and also too rough… so we spent most of the time sunbathing on the sand.

Rarotonga family trip

Here are a few snippets of our trip back in January. Even though the heat was too much for us to bare – I can’t believe the heat we grew up in when we were little! – I still loved being back home and spending time with my family. Nothing was how I remembered it, which was what I feared the most, so I have come to really appreciate and treasure the memories that I have left of my beautiful island home called Rarotonga.

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